More Than Momma

Memories are a funny thing. At least for me. I know people who can remember every detail of their history like picture perfect stills in time, date stamped, and captioned in fine detail.  Others can easily replay the videos of their lives; both completely perplexed by people like me.  My memories are muted and muddy. Tattered photographs diluted by faulty perceptions, or hyperpigmented by overly romanticized renditions of what my mind has decided was true. And yet others are blank, undeveloped negatives tickling the back of my brain. They are stored away amidst those things that I do not discuss. I do not share. Buried. Stolen amidst those memories deleted for self-preservation. But.  There are moments. Beautiful glimmers. When a memory pushes through.  One of the good ones that warms your very soul and reminds you of the goodness and love amidst the people and times that you were certain and convinced could never hold light.  You can smell the air.  You ca...

 Life is finally settling back to "normal"for whatever that is for us. But MAN! It feels like the clock is ticking faster and faster with each breath, each day, each week that passes me by. It's a race to nowhere really. I can barely keep pace yet somehow I do.  But do I? Wake. Coffee. Work. Walk dog. Work more. Walk dog. Adult- bills, grocery, chores. Then the brain goes dormant, on overload from a day of decisions, creativity, conversations, and what I call "sparkle"..and then there is no sparkle left that day.   Did I eat? Damn it.  Make food, or the semblance of a meal for us. Eat. Doom scroll, read, "watch" something. Fall into bed. Toss and turn until who knows when just to awake at 3. Then at 6. And finally get annoyed and get up at some point to begin again. Personal hygiene and medication is handled as evident by wet towels, rumpled clothes in the hamper, and the pill cases that always seem to need filling. Food is eaten because the fridge emp...