I Don't Bake Anymore

Once upon a time, I was a baking diva!  Homemade biscuits, carrot cake, birthday cakes, and holy Christmas cookies galore!  I mean what kind of a momma didn't try her hand at baking deliciousness from scratch? 

HA! This chick right here, right now.  And the not baking from scratch started long before this empty nest thing I have got going on now. It all started that first year in public school when one kiddo was so excited and prepping to bring in cupcakes for his birthday.  OK. It was me.  I was the one who was doing the smiling and the prepping and the promising and I remember it like it was yesterday.

Open house. Kindergarten. Just a few days before my little man would be 5. I had just completed decorating the perfect cake for his party and had everything gathered to match OUR theme.  I was so excited to tell the teacher that he would come with gifts for his class on the very first day of kindergarten.  Homemade cupcakes because his birthday was that very same Monday.

She was nice. But I was crestfallen to learn that store bought was the only version permitted.  Sealed. In the packaging provided by the store. Passed out by a teacher assistant at the end of the lunch period.

Wait! WE can't pass them out and have a big party? I mean, I was in education.  I had taught for a long time.  Surely a cupcake party the first day of kindergarten had been done successfully somewhere before.

And what do you mean homemade prevents the school from knowing what was in MY cupcakes.  Did they think i was some kind of cupcake saboteur now that I no longer taught? And exactly what was I going to do with all of those precious cupcake liners and adorable matching candies for the tops?

It was the beginning of the end.

Flash forward to this year.  July family pool party.  The once kindergartner is almost 19.  I bought the cookies from Costco and a cheesecake from the grocery.  Success was mine. Desserts made before I even get home.  Plenty of time for a glass of wine and a float in the pool a day or two before people would even arrive.

SO, what changed?  How did I go from kicking and screaming, white knuckled refusals to stop making my kids cakes, a million varieties of holiday cookies, and even bread from scratch?

It was momming.  I mean I worked and mommed when the kids were little.  But somehow, it seemed easier, more doable.  

The boys would eagerly bake with me. They would fight over who would get which cookie cutter or cookie decorations. They would help me find fun things that they could bake with me and ask when we were making their favorites next. They would spend weeks deciding the type of cake mom would create for them this year.  And then they decided to do other stuff.

Over the years and sometimes all at once there was: cub scouts, school plays, golf, football, soccer, t-ball (where I coached even pregnant), french horn, drums, guitar, bassoon, broken bones, stitches, hospital stays, sleep overs, and more.  They grew up and I got busy. SO busy I only remember the half of it.  Thank God for pictures!

While I missed the time we spent baking, we spent our nights and weekends well scheduled. And I learned.  

I learned that it didn't matter where the birthday cupcakes came from. It was more important that I remembered the tradition of having them, even when they would act embarrassed at my impromptu singing "Happy Birthday" in front of all of their friends.  

I learned that it was more important that I was there to witness and celebrate their special day which I still find a way to do now that they are off on their own for these special days.  Through the wonders of technology, same day deliveries, and their confidants who can help with a little mom surprise even if I am far, each birthday still has an air of those homemade cakes and cupcakes.

PS-I never totally gave up baking it just goes on hiatus from time to time. And while all of it is not from scratch, thank you Pillsbury, I still find distinct joy in creating flavors for other to enjoy.