Bullshit

 An apology without change is quite simply bullshit! I have absolutely no problems accepting an apology and moving on.  I appreciate genuine apologies. I have issue with the apologies that continue to come without behavioral changes.

The teen who continually apologies for talking back, coming home late, not doing homework or chores...but never or rarely does anything to prevent continual recurrence of what they just apologized for, or at least lessen that what was wrong.

The parent who continually apologizes for the way they treat their child, how they scream or diminish them, or how they are absent mentally, emotionally, or physically.  That apology means nothing if that parent continues their ways. It actually trains the child to never trust. It even models for them what is acceptable behavior in their life.

The partner or friend who continually apologizes for biting your head off, being mean, or making you the butt off jokes that just aren't funny. When the apology is sincere, it means the world. How can it be sincere when the behavior repeats itself?

Change the relationship. Change the behavior. The underpinnings remain the same. We are all under stressors. We all have bad days. We all mess up and we even mess up in the same ways...sometimes repeatedly. The key is to make real attempts to change the way we treat the people that matter in our lives, acknowledge when we screw up in the same way and not simply apologize but acknowledge that we are cognizant that our poor behavior is not a first or even a twentieth time. Own it and continue to try to grow and do better.

Simply expecting an apology to fix everything is bullshit. It does not fix the visible and invisible scars, Repetition of behaviors causing pain do not lessen with each apology. They create masses of emotional scar tissue and the carrier of that tissue will eventually react.  Some may explode. Some may leave. Some may simply quietly wither away into the recesses of their mind. And yet others will take out their pain on others or themselves to perpetuate the cycle and thicken the scar tissue they hold and now inflict on others.

Unfortunately, scar tissue grows not just from the bullshit of one. It is compounded, multiplied by all who have inflicted or unleashed or neglected. And it is ever so hard to break down and break through.