We Don't Plant Weeds

 Last winter, the hubs and I had quite a bit of construction done outside which had left much of our yard a muddy marsh by the end of the spring thaw.  Having never actually grown grass from seed, I was certain that a large truck would bring us pallets of beautiful grass to roll out like carpet.  That we would water it and almost immediately have the lush green lawns seen on most every house flipping show streaming today.

I was wrong.  Very wrong.

Unbeknownst to me, our yard is made up of a rocky substance called shale.  Once the topsoil was upturned to regrade the yard, a crap ton of shale. Once the numerous trees were removed and the earth somewhat reshaped, a crap ton of more shale. And to top it off, not all of the fallen tree pieces made it to the wood piles and became buried amongst the soil.  On top of all of that, there arose a plethora of quartz and other rocks whose names are unknown to this commoner.

And it all, or mostly all, apparently has to be removed because there was no truck bringing in a carpet of grass to roll atop beautiful soil.  We needed beautiful soil, free from the debris.  And the hubs believed that you grow the grass.  Yourself.  From tiny little seeds.  Seriously.  He does that.

No problem I thought.  We will just rake up all of those pesky rocks.  We will spread the seed like Johnny Appleseed.  And God will provide.  HA.

Weeks of labor, mostly by the hubs, ensued.  Now do not get me wrong.  I sweated and raked and dug and shoveled alongside him.  He was just better at it and knew what he was doing.  I learned a lot and earned many blisters.

But then the dirt came.  We actually bought dirt.  Our dirt was not the dirt that we needed for good grass growing.  So we spread the dirt.  And we leveled the dirt.  And we pounded and raked and prepared the dirt for seed.  I mean we had levels and strings and all sorts of shoveling and raking equipment so that drainage would not be hampered and folks would not trip simply walking in our yard- like me.  It is me who randomly trips on air and can break a bone tripping on grass.

He spread the seed. Then we watered.  Daily.  People, THIS was a labor of love.  This grass was going to grow if it killed me and it was going to be the best grass in all of the world.  It had to be, right?

Wrong.  Now don't get me wrong, our grass has come in beautifully. But it is not perfect.  We have some bare spots needing reseeding.  And we have weeds.

The hubs and I started to weed the grass before the first cut.  Something about it being a good idea.  I just listened to him because this man had been right so far.  I mean we GREW grass.  We did it.

While we were pulling out those weeds with him, I asked, "So where did all of these weeds come from?"  His response, typical hubs. "So the seed manufacturers put the weed seeds in the bags so that you are forced to buy their other products later."  I was appalled! "REALLY?"  He smiled and gave a little chuckle. "No honey, not really.  I'm joking.  We don't plant weeds.  It just happens as part of the process.  It can't really be helped in the process."  He then went on to explain why, but it struck me...

We don't plant weeds.  

It reminded me of my very first principal that I worked with.  Every year she would remind us that parents were sending us their very best that they had- their children.  It was a reminder that every child is different, deserved a fresh start, and that parenting looks very different in every home.  We should not judge as we have not walked in their lives.  None of these parents set about to plant weeds.  They were sending us their very best grass, flowers, trees.  

Some will flourish and it might look easy.  Others will struggle and people wonder why; maybe try to find blame.  And unfortunately, some will not thrive.  As a teacher, it was our job to look beyond what entered our classroom doors and treat each child as what was intended to be when it was planted. That tree, that flower, that pristine carpet of grass.

It made me think of my own children.  Each with their own unique personalities.  Their own strengths, fears, and dreams.  They were both planted and watered with love and the best that I had and they were both very different humans, neither of them weeds by any means.

But what about the families who have children with addiction, mental health struggles, physical ailments, and even suicidal tendencies? Did they plant weeds?  Did they do something wrong? Or had nature simply taken over in some way that is inexplicable?

I do not know. But what I do know is exactly what my hubs had shared. Nobody ever purposely plants weeds.

It is super easy to lay blame on parents and poor parenting for when a child goes astray or has issues beyond ideal, but maybe it should become easier for us to look beyond the judgement.  Maybe we should remember that there are times when you can do everything exactly right, and you grass does not grow.

I think we need to be more appreciative not only when the grass grows beautifully but also of when one must fight to pull forth even the smallest progress of barren to sprout.  That is often the hardest time- overcoming the weeds that invade against all of your best efforts.