Got Patience?

I find that I am impatient.  Many people tell me this is untrue, however those who live with me, were born to me, or even witness how I process--- totally will believe this as truth. Now I am completely patient in many respects- when trying to teach someone something, in listening to a friend in need, even when doing a puzzle or other mundane thing.  I find those things fun and relatively easy to have patience for.

I have little patience for lots though. Stupidity. Lies. Non-listeners. Assumption that I am not listening. Waiting on hold. Myself as a whole.  Those bugs that get into my house even though I have bug guys. Not being able to fix something. Being late without notification. Being misunderstood. Yelling. Lack of empathy or sympathy. Rude drivers- although I am not always a great driver myself. Lots of things. So now what?

They say that knowing you have a problem is half the battle. OK??? I have known this about myself for eons and yet the battle is still only half won- or lost. It is moving beyond the recognition of what gets under my skin and finding the path forward to enlightenment.  OK that struck me funny but hear me out.

People tell me, "Just don't let it bother you," and "It's no big deal." My favorite? "You just need to stop worrying so much." And I am here like- "Wouldn't that just be easy enough to do...If I could!" My brain will circle round and round trying to figure out the why behind the thing that I have no patience for.  And my brain already knows that there is no answer.  What the heck? It is like the newer cars with the auto-off/on ignition when you stop without a way to disarm the feature.  Certain "things" trip my auto-off/on patience button and I've yet to find the button to disarm mine either!

And what exactly creates a scenario where one thing is no biggie to me and yet might set off your last nerve? How are you able to bop around smiling listening to hour two of the hold music while I have gone and flipped my ever loving switch at the five minute mark? Biology? Strength versus weakness? Good meds?

I am not quite sure. I do know that I can see a name pop on my screen and I can feel a complete shift in my throat, chest, and overall level of fight or flight.  I word, a phrase, a look, and even those damn little ants can get my impatient brain running on the hamster wheel of death.  You know the one, right?

What can't they XXX? Why did I XXX? How hard is it to XXX? And my favorite- Are you freaking kidding me?

I mean I am not in some huge rush to save lives that hitting all of the red lights is really an issue. Why does this matter then? And who really cares if that person is stupid or lies or can't fix the ant situation for the entire state? 

HA! Apparently me.

Before you say it out loud at the screen...yes I meditate. Yes I use breathing and positive self talk techniques. And somehow, that damn little hamster wheel appears in my brain asking a million unanswerable questions that nobody even really cares about...but my cavewoman brain goes auto-on and the rational brain goes auto-off.

What about the really big stuff?  World peace, hunger.  Oddly enough, those do not quite get to me. Crazy right?  Now don't get me wrong.  I have no patience for the world leaders, news makers, and influencer surrounding these large things that happen or not--- but it is over their stupidity or lies or lack of listening and thinking.  Their vitriol and self aggrandizing.  But the larger problem? I have enough rattling around in my head and my heart so thank goodness those do not hoist me up on some hyper hamster wheel. Somehow I have learned how to stay off of that monster. Maybe it is because I know how to turn them off- a simple click and they can be gone from my view.  If only I could click off other people - the real life get under my skin ones and the damn ants. 

So now, how do I slow down this smaller wheel in my head? How do I deprogram the coding and rewire the wiring that makes my body twitch at the mere mention or sight of those things that send my patience out the window? Well, I am still working on that one.  But I will tell you one thing for certain- good people and laughter sure help......and a little wine can go a long way as well.

Cheers!

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